Three Interfaces

Dependence is a healthy place when we are children - everyone needs a loving family unit to grow in.  The goal of childhood is to grow into a strong, loving and whole person, with the physical, emotional, mental, spiritual and relational skills needed to develop autonomy.  This process is actually quite complex and can require struggle and making mistakes.   Figuring out how to use experiences for growth instead of getting trapped in them is one of the most important skills for independence.  When this doesn't happen, we can get stuck in a dependent mindset, feeling powerless and blaming others for our state of being.

Along the way, we slowly let go of blaming or idolizing our parents and others, and grow into making our own decisions, listening to what we want and need, providing for ourselves, learning how to respond to our emotions in a healthy way, increasing our autonomy and independence, and making our dreams come true.  This is all part of becoming an adult.  We need to be able to practice choosing for ourselves and being on our own.   But sometimes we can also get stuck here, feeling that we can only depend on ourselves; putting up a wall and not being able to connect in those relationships that make life most meaningful and joyful. 

Learning the skills to make healthy connections with others, while taking care of ourselves is possible and also essential to living in joy.  This allows us to join with a partner and create a family, join with like-minded adventurers to form a mountain climbing group, or combine with fellow philanthropists and build a non-profit to benefit the world.  

However, most of us have had experiences in our lives that have stunted our growth in one or more areas, and we may have tried to skip independence and go straight from dependence to interdependence,  which really turns out to be co-dependence, without developing the autonomy of a solid core;  Or we stay in independence, unwilling to work with a partner to build toward a greater good.  Untangling these snarls, learning to create healthy boundaries, and understanding true interdependence is what Heal The Whole  is all about.